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March 30, 2005

So you're a Ninja and you want to kill a dude

Terence Spies pointed me to this Amazon.com guide on how to kill somebody and get away with it. The clean-up instructions are particularly good:

After you have done the job, you now have 150+ pounds of raw meat on your hands that must be inconspicuously disposed of. While many people would suggest a trash bag and the bottom of a river, this is not an appropriate avenue for the true assassin. First, you must arrange the body in a more easy-to-carry way. The human body is made to be fairly durable, so some kind of saw ('Stanley 15-113 Contractor Grade High Tension Hacksaw') will be necessary for the task. After this, moving the meat will cause it's own problems. Walking around with a trash bag over your shoulder is fairly conspicuous, so it is better to use something that will draw less attention. Personally I've found the best way to accomplish this task, particularly in a college town, is to use a backpack ('Dana Design Sluiskin 45'). The rain-proof nature of this specific pack will be useful for keeping what fluids there may be inside of the pack. You'll also want to have a few trash bags on hand, then find some kind of a bookstore or library, place the backpack inside a trash bag, and toss it into a dumpster behind this building. Provided nothing leaks out, it will be easily ignored as a bag of thrown out books.

And of course, Amazon will gladly sell you all the tools to get the job done.

UPDATE: Looks like Amazon has taken this down.

Posted by ekr at March 30, 2005 1:20 PM | Filed under:

Comments

Posted by: vrikodhara at March 31, 2005 1:45 AM